Moderation

Everything needs to be done in moderation. Work? Yep. Sleep? Yep. Fun? Yep. If you overdo one, the others end up starved for time, your life falls out of balance, and it gets a lot less fun. The key is to enforce this balance no matter what.

Curious

It's curious, sometimes, to be on the other end of situations which one's been in before, but always on one side. It's slightly discomforting, but wildly eye-opening, like seeing the Milky Way for the first time, and realizing that all your previous viewpoints were not just incorrect, but in fact completely irrelevant on the global scale of things. Some situations commonly seem simple and easy, but being in one on the other side really opens eyes, though not always in a cheerful way..

Poem

I arrived here last summer
For a job and a new life.
But of course there was one bummer:
Lonelyness hit like a knife.

Work was good, the weather - awesome;
But of course one problem stayed.
I still lacked a girl (a tossum).
Sadness on my shoulders weighed...

I set out to go and find her -
I would not just sit and wait.
But I found no one to match me
such, perhaps, was will of fate?

Over time my hope grew dimmer -
Afterall, I'm just a man.
Still I look for just a glimmer
Of who reignite my passion can.

Years it's been since my search started.
To the day I see no end.
I have grown quite fainthearted.
Who could broken heart such mend?

"Optimism," my friends still tell me,
Is the key to happy life.
But who can be optimistic
Living in a state of strife?

I dont know this story's ending
Though I wish I had a clue.
One could say it is still pending
Now I wait here, just for you...

Changes

Sometimes it's hard to believe that some of the posts on this blog as late as last year were written by me. There are many things said there that I would not say today, and many left out that I would. I always thought I would not change, and try to stay the same, but, saddening as it is, I changed a lot over the last year and a half. Life outside of college takes its tool I guess. On the positive side, life is great, and fun!

Current song stuck in my head: The part at 2:29 of Czardas by V. Monti [DO NOT click the link - the song WILL get stuck in your head].

Possibilities

Everything is possible if one really wants it. My goal this week is to prove that. I shall...

Just saw breakfast club for the first time.
Brought back sad memories form HS and college.
Damn, I feel old :-(

Need to do something stupid or irresponsible tomorrow - just to remind myself i'm not 30!

Curiocity

I wonder how much cheesecake one can eat in a day? How much is too much? How much is unhealthy? :)

Time

Been a while since I had posted here, but after rereading some of the older articles I see the usefulness of this, at least to myself. It's a very nice log of the changes to my ideologies and through processes over these few years. Some of the things I read on here I barely believe I could have written. It is amazing just how much I have changed, even though all this time I thought I was pretty constant.

Life is going on. I'm steadily approaching the 1-year mark of working here at VMware and it's not too bad. I visit my [former] university often, to hang out with friends, and I am very sad that after this semester this will no longer be possible, mostly due to the fact that they are all graduating soon. Most are moving to Chicago, but some to other states, and even countries.

Overall life is not too bad. Looking forward to this weekend...for 1700 bucks for the ticket, UIUC better be fun!

Hm

I wonder why i have a weakness for Russian girls. Probably because they are the only kind of girls who are both exceptionally smart and stunningly beautiful. Pity there are so few of them around here :-(

Thoughts

I am not happy. This is a realization that has hit me a few days ago. I miss college. The way things were: he way I could just walk a block and be at a bar full of people my age. The way I could walk a few blocks and be at a friend's house for some coffee. The way how the first thing you do when waking up on a Saturday morning it to say hi to the girl sleeping next to you and attempt to remember her name. The way you always swore off drinking, and yet ended up in the bar the very next night. They way you'd go singing through the streets with your friends, and be drunk enough to find the USSR Anthem an acceptable song to sing aloud at 3 AM. The way that if you were depressed, you could call one of many friends who lived nearby, and go for a jog, or have some tea, or just sit and talk about life.

I had a job offer, that would have allowed me to stay on campus, work in Champaign, and enjoy all these benefits of college life. I made the right choice my instead taking a job in California. The correctness of this choice will become apparent in two or three years, but until then I am doomed to spend nights like this one unable to sleep, reminiscing, and being sad.

You know that guy at the bar? The thirty-something-year-old guy who is clearly not a college student, but still hangs out at the bar. The one who everyone thinks is creepy, and nobody knows why he does it. I think that now I get him. These three years of college have been amazing, and now that I am done with them, I just do not know what to do, and where to turn for excitement and happiness. After all the crazy nights at the bar, all the crazy parties, and even the nights spent studying useless facts life seems dull. Adults (as I guess I get to be called now, that I am no longer in college) do not go drinking randomly every weekend, and do not get drunk, do not sing aloud outside, and rarely wake up in other people's beds.

I do not know how I shall get used to this new dull life, and so far I am quite lost as to what is so fun and exciting about it. But now, more than ever, I understand what every college kid has heard everyone tell them: "college years are the best of your life." I want all that back. I want to go out drinking randomly, I want to live within walking distance of all my friends, I want to go back to college!

Life always has ways of doing something unexpected. Just when you think you have it all figured out and are ready to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labour, something new pops up. Again you are busy taking care of it, hoping that in the end it will pay off and you will be able to rest. Of course this reset never comes.

Well, my life is like so, as well. i finally announced my resignation of new PalmOS development. it was very fun, but I just have no time for it now, and I have no idea if I will later on. The only thing I hate more than no free time is disappointing those hundreds of people who impatiently await my next product release. I guess i'll still develop in free time, but probably not as busily.

My classwork is going terrible. One me and a lot of work! Well, on the positive side, there are 3 days of school left, and after that finals. When that is done all that is left is the sunny skies of northern California, a pool and relaxation. I can barely wait.

On a personal front, well a lot of stuff is changing, as always. There are never any constants, and i guess that in itself is a constant of sorts.

It is very exciting, though that even though I am leaving this place, many people will come to visit me. I'd hate to have to start all over yet again in another place, and I'm glad I will not have to.

Well, this note is mostly just for me. I lately found myself reading this blog's older entries, and wondering just how differently I thought back then. So I decided to keep updating it, so that in 3 years i may read this, and realize how much I have changed and how idealistic and naive i was, much like what i think now while reading the old entries.